Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
