lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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