why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
