I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
