Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
