Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
