Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
