I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
