I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
