I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
