Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
