I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
