I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
