i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
