The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
