1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
