What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
