and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize