I just saw a hot homeless man
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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