is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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