Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
