Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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