Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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