Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
