ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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