Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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