my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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