i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
