He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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