You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
