You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
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