One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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