You can't special order awesome
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize