If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
