She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Randomize
