a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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