why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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