I'm eating all of the evidence.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Randomize
