I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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