he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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