the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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