When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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