Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize
