What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
