Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
