I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Randomize