ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
