What did we do last night that was yellow?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
