capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
