dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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