You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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