What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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