She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
so that wasnt chicken after all
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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