Quick, to the slutcave!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
