eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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