and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
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