Pants 0. Shit 1.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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