I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize