I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
