So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
They took my balls.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
The air taste purple.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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