I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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