Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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