I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Randomize
