I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
