Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
