if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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