Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
