why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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