Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
